Making It
by Austen's Girl
Summary: After everything was said and done what was left?


"You promised you would never break up with me!" She could hear the accusation in her words, but her pain was making it impossible to stop.

"I never thought you'd make me feel like this." The look in his eyes scared her more than she would like to admit, and as she watched him walk away from her she did what she had always sworn she wouldn't do.

She broke down in the hallway.

She couldn't even be bothered to care who saw her. The only thing she could register was the pain. The fierce ache that resonated through her entire body. She couldn't ever recall feeling like this before, and that's when she knew that she truly had a broken heart.

Singing in Glee and listening to Mr. Shue talk about family didn't help to ease her pain. She had never felt so isolated from the group, but then to be honest she had never really felt loved by them either.

Only him, always him, but he was gone now and so was the love.

Watching him try and be happy gave her that achy feeling again, because she knew that she had broken him too. She knew that the pain they were both feeling was because of her.

Her doubts, her insecurities, her selfish choices, her desperate need to make him understand.

It only made it worse for her to know that she didn't know how to change that. She didn't know how not to feel so insecure. She thought that when Finn finally chose her it would magically get better, but it didn't. It got worse. It was to the point where she was constantly on edge wondering when the other shoe was going to drop and Finn would leave her. Again.

And she was right it did, he lied and he slept with the one person who makes her feel completely worthless. Why couldn't he have understood that? Why couldn't he have known her well enough to know why? Why couldn't he have loved her enough to understand?

She could feel the tears welling up again, and she wasn't sure she could handle a break down in front of all of them, in front of him.

So she left the stage.

Not a word, not a backwards glance.

She could feel their eyes, his eyes, she could hear them call her name, but she couldn't go back, and they would never come for her, so she kept going.

It wasn't until she almost walked into a wall that she registered the fact that she was near the football field, always near him.

She silently climbed to the top of the bleachers, barely registering that it was cold and nothing but her dress on. She just stared out at the empty field, trying to imagine it full of life and excitement.

She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't hear the person who approached her until they spoke.

"Hey." It was simple, raw, and perfectly him.

She could feel the bench dip slightly as he dropped down beside her.

She wasn't sure what to say, and she really didn't want to say the wrong thing so she kept quiet and hoped he would speak first for once.

He didn't.

They both sat there in a silence that borderlined awkward and comfortable. It felt like they had been sitting there forever when she felt him shift and before she knew what was happening his hand had found hers and his face was inching towards hers.

"Finn?" It took all the strength she had to put her hand on his chest and stop him, but she had to know.

She felt his body deflate as her hand lingered on him, so she let it travel upwards and stroke the side of his face, let her fingers get lost in his ridiculously soft hair.

His eyes closed and his body trembled, and when she looked at him she could see the tears that were starting to stain his face.

It horrified her to know she had done this, she quickly swept the tears away. He opened his eyes at her touch and the pain in them was so intense she thought she would crush under the weight.

"Why?" He croaked out and she could tell he was barely holding himself together.

She knew this was her chance, this was her time to make him understand how she felt.

"I wanted to feel wanted." She caught the incredulous look on his face so she rushed on.

"When I asked you why her the only thing you told me was that she was "super hot", that hurt. A lot. You'd never called me that before, and even for all the times you said I love you, it just felt like I wasn't good enough. She is the reason I question every flaw I have, she makes no apologies for hating me, and belittling me, quite publicly I might add. That's why it mattered that it was her, that's why I needed you to understand why it mattered. But you didn't. You got upset with me for being upset, and that wasn't fair, because even though we weren't together then you knew it would still hurt. If you'd thought it was nothing you would've told me months ago. But you didn't. I had to find out from her, in front of everyone, that I had been lied to. I felt cheated Finn, because we ere supposed to be above them, we were supposed to last. I wasn't trying to be mean when I kissed Puck, that much I can promise."

She had to stop talking as her sobs were rendering her powerless, she stole a glance at him and realized that he was crying too, that this really was hurting him as much as her.

That's when he was pulling her to him, crushing her tiny frame into his, making her feel safe, like he always did. She knew this was where she belonged, but she also knew he deserved to hear the rest of the story.

She tried to control herself as mush as she could before speaking again. She stayed where she was in his arms, because honestly she couldn't bear to move.

"That's why I did what I did Finn. I was stupid and selfish and the absolute biggest mistake of my life. But I needed someone to make me feel all of the thigs I wasn't."

"Did it help?" he didn't sound bitter or angry, just honest.

"No. I felt dirty." She could barely whisper for the threat of tears again.

She could feel him nodding against her and that only made her hold him more.

"Me too. After I slept with her that's how I felt." It was her turn to nod against him this time.

"And Rach? I did it for those reasons too. I wanted to feel wanted too, you were with Jesse and I guess that messed me up more than I wanted to admit, so I made the stupidest decision of my life." She had never heard him say so much, and she knew how hard this was for him by the scratchy tone of his voice.

"So what does this mean?" She couldn't help it she had to know.

"I means that I'm sorry. I should've told you, and I should've explained, maybe then you wouldn't have felt the way you did." She looked into his eyes then.

"I'm sorry too. I should've told you how I was feeling, not turned to someone else." She couldn't pull her eyes away from his, so it came as no surprise to her when he leaned over and softly pressed his lips to hers.

No force, no hormonal pull, just honesty. He pulled back to look at her.

"I love you Rachel."

"I love you too Finn."

He gave her a slight grin before pulling her back into his arms, where she just seemed to fit, and he knew, he just knew they would make it after all.


End file.
